Couples Coaching
January 21, 2010
What is “Couples Coaching”?
Many of my clients who have ADD have exasperated spouses who are upset with them about starting too many projects and finishing too few, interrupting mid sentence, being late, losing keys, cell phone, etc.… I’m sure you can add to this list.
When I suggest the option of couple’s coaching to them, they’re surprised. Couple’s coaching is a relatively new offering for couples struggling with the affects of ADD or ADHD in the family. Couples’ coaching has similarities to, but is quite different from couples counseling, marriage counseling, and psychotherapy.
A traditional coach will work with you or your spouse. A couple’s coach works with you and your spouse. This person is not a life coach, and may or may not be an ADD implementation coach. Couples’ coaches that I recommend have a deep knowledge of relationships, ADD and ADHD, and some training in family work.
Many issues that couples contend with are completely unrelated to ADD. Expectations, communication styles, different ways of figuring things out, needs for intimacy and connection, and money can all create challenges to smooth and comfortable relating. Then there are the ADD-related issues like disorganization, losing focus, clutter, a different sense of time, starting and not completing tasks, impulsive communication and/or decision making… You get the idea.
Partners (non-ADD or less ADD) may contact the coach because they are frustrated or annoyed. People struggling with ADD symptoms may also initiate the call because they really want to please their partners, are trying very hard to make things work better, don’t want to have conflicts, and want to make positive lasting changes.
Coaching can be helpful for both newlyweds and couples who have been together 25 (or 45) years.
At Cerulli and Associates, we have a variety of professionals, including a couple’s coach; Jay Livingston does executive coaching and ADHD coaching, alongside his skillful couples coaching. He and I work closely, sometimes seeing couples together. I’ve found this blending of skills and approaches to work really well for certain couples.
On Second Thought…
January 14, 2010
Some interesting research shows that on first impulse we usually tend to overrate but occasionally underrate our abilities, and it’s only after a moment’s reflection, in which our brain gets a chance to bring its full cognitive capabilities to the evaluation, that we estimate our skills accurately.
You’ve probably heard of the study where almost all drivers rated their driving as better than most other drivers, a clearly unrealistic self-evaluation. Although I’m pretty sure my skills do put me in the top tier of drivers.
Clearly, we sometimes don’t do a good job of evaluating ourselves.
When studies ask self-evaluation questions a second time, after a moment’s pause, the answers are a more realistic assessment. How good are you at estimating time? “Excellent?” How excellent? “Oh, the “pretty ok when I’m paying attention” kind of excellent.”
This information may be particularly important for those with ADHD who have a tendency toward impulsiveness and over-optimistic projections. Think of quickly answering a question about when you will be home with “Half an hour!” After a minute of slowing down and working it out, you might agree that the most likely correct answer would be an hour or more.
By waiting you’ve allowed yourself time to tap into your ability to compute details and mathematically figure out answer to questions, and you’ve allowed your intuitive side time to process unconscious information and experiences you have stored.
“Can you take on this new project?” If you answer “Sure!” without a pause to allow realistic concerns to bubble up, you’re trying to function at your best by using only part of your ability. It is clearly in our long-term interest to pause long enough to give our brains time to bring their full potential to bear on our response.
I’d suggest you pause, breathe, say, “Let me check my schedule and task list.” Do anything to allow your full intelligence and experience time to evaluate your answer.
A New Non-Stimulant Medication for ADHD
January 8, 2010
INTUNIV is the new long-acting, non-stimulant medication approved in the fall of 2009 by the FDA for treating ADHD. Studies on Intuniv were completed for children and adolescents, ages 6-17 years old.
What you need to know about Intuniv:
• A long-acting, once daily medication for ADHD
• Non-stimulant, not a controlled substance. Unlike stimulants, your doctor can put refills on this prescription.
• Approved for children and adolescents
• Helps with core ADHD symptoms (Hyperactivity, Impulsivity, Inattention) as well as the associated features of behavioral dysregulation, oppositional symptoms, emotional reactivity, or being “out of control”.
• Has a different mechanism of action in the brain than stimulants
• Doses range from 1-4 milligrams per day
• Clinical benefit is seen within 1-2 weeks of starting Intuniv
• Intuniv may be safely used either by itself or in addition to taking other medications to treat ADHD
• Tablets cannot be crushed, broken, or chewed
• Side effects may include sedation, fatigue, headaches, stomach aches, or decreases in blood pressure
Families often ask me what is the “best” medication for ADHD?
My answer:
There is no one-size-fits-all medication approach for ADHD. Response depends on many factors including individual symptoms, medical history, body chemistry, family history, co-existing conditions, and even the patient’s daily schedule.
Talk to your doctor to find the right medication for you or your child. It should be a collaborative process between the patient and the treating team. And don’t be surprised if it takes a few months to find what works well with the least side effects. This is very normal. The good news is that 70-75% of people do respond to ADHD medications with minimal side effects, so there is much hope you will find “the best”!
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