Self-Correcting
October 19, 2009
Coaching has three distinct steps:
· Learn how to address a topic or issue you want to change
· Implement an effective approach or solution
· Keep at it through the ups and downs of your life
Using a system even when things are going well, or making adjustments in routines so that you don’t fall behind again is one of the major challenges to managing responsibilities more effectively. For many high-energy, bright, creative people routines can quickly become boring and our attention will drift to the next new or interesting project.
I find it tricky to help clients understand they need to stick with the coaching process until they have practiced pulling themselves out of a backslide toward chaos. When coaching has helped get things going better, and there is room to breathe again, it can feel discouraging to contemplate the next failure, but inevitably the pressures will build; you will drop your adherence to the systems that you learned; and pretty soon you will need to stop yourself and re-start the process. Done early, a restart can quickly get things back on track.
Each year sports teams start their season practices with conditioning (most players have let it slide during the off season) and practice of the basics (both to reestablish high quality patterns and responses and to build player skills to a higher level.) Musicians regularly play scales slowly and deliberately so that they can listen and improve the fundamentals their creative music depends on. Those of us that lead complex lives need to practice the fundamental skills that help keep us focused during times of pressure, skills that encourage us to quickly work our way back into proven routines.
You can always call your coach to remind you of what to do when things start coming apart, but your coach should also be helping you develop the ability to become self-correcting. Only with practice will you see a pile of papers that has grown too big and say, “I need to do a quick sort of this pile, but I have to be careful not to get too involved. I’ll set a timer for 15 minutes and try to make one pass through it.”
When a project is late you will stop for a minute and say, “Have I scheduled time in my book to work on this? What is the next small action to take to get started?” Or you will recognize that you don’t feel pressure yet, no one is upset at you – yet, and you will practice the techniques you learned to generate some of your own sense of urgency so that you get motivated to get to work.
Becoming self-correcting is a huge step toward successful self-regulation; be sure it’s on your agenda and your coach’s.
Jay Livingston
Easy Way to Plan Your Week
September 7, 2009
We live our lives caught amid almost unlimited past, present and future demands. Making decisions about how to use our limited time and energy often means choosing among those projects that feel most urgent, finishing long-postponed tasks or planning for future success; planning almost always gets put aside.
Those with ADD or an ADD style are more likely than most to find themselves involved in urgent projects that have been let go a little too long and if they are going to look toward the future, they often just glimpse discrete, cutting-edge projects that grab their attention and beg for implementation. Future planning to reduce crises and move projects ahead before they become urgent gets no attention.
Planning doesn’t have to be tough. It starts with a simple assessment of your needs for the next few weeks.
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What would you like to have time for if you were going to function at your best?
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Time to catch up on paperwork?
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Time to review which projects need to get done soon?
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Set-aside time to contact new prospects? Uninterrupted creative time?
Now you know what needs to happen, you only have to figure out when.
Which things need to happen every day? Every Week? Once a month? Get out your calendar and find a time to schedule the task. Your upcoming month will have the beginning of a plan.
Planning can start at both ends of the time line. What will things look like in one to three years? Or what does my next week need to contain? The best idea is to start simple and address a fuller picture as you get more comfortable. Discouraged just thinking about it? Try this…
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What would you like to work on this week?
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What is a simple beginning action that you could take?
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What time could you schedule to do that action tomorrow? (15 minutes may be all you need.)
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Schedule a block of follow-up time for each day the rest of the week.
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When you finish tomorrow decide on the step or steps for the next day.
You’ve planned part of a week! Pick a project to schedule the following week. Of course there are any number of things that you would benefit from learning about planning and long-term strategies, but even week to week planning has boosted the productivity of many of my sales and executive coaching clients.
Jay Livingston
Why Distractions Grab Us
August 4, 2009
Our worlds are filled with distractions – emails, loud conversations, cell phones, radios and televisions–the list seems endless. But why do these grab and hold our attention when we have projects that are important or urgent?
In her book “Rapt” Winifred Gallagher takes a close look at the science of paying attention. Apparently our brains are hardwired to focus on the most “colorful” thing in our environment; read this as loud, interesting or literally colorful. Brain scans show our brains light differently up when these kinds of events invade our environment.
It is certainly difficult to fight this biologically based pull, and even more so if your brain is hyper-sensitive to distractions. But science shows that we can pull our attention away from a sight or sound that grabs our attention. We can use our pre-frontal cortex, the aware thinking part of the brain to override the intrusion. With practice and solid techniques we can improve our capacity to focus.
We can increase our abilities through biofeedback, regular meditation and cues that invoke our thinking. Ms. Gallagher is a fan of meditation to increase focus, but she admits to using an even simpler method when she’s trapped in a noisy environment – earplugs. She compares this to a personal stimulus control shelter. This is similar to my suggestion to my clients that they consider facing the wall rather than the crowd in a restaurant.
Ms. Gallagher says that after a period of concentration, our prefrontal cortex probably needs a break. Simple tasks like answering e-mail or returning phone calls can help us rest and be ready to focus again. Beware of getting distracted though, because after an interruption the brain can take 20 minutes to do its equivalent of rebooting and refocusing.
Ms. Gallagher also feels that “Multitasking is a myth.” “You cannot do two things at once. The mechanism of attention is selection: it’s either this or it’s that. People don’t understand that attention is a finite resource, like money.”
To have fewer distractions and fewer 20 minute periods of rebooting, try turning down the frequency of email retrieval, work on difficult or important projects first while your brain is most able to manage distractions well, and arrange uninterrupted work time. For more ideas consider talking with an experienced ADD coach.
Jay Livingston can be contacted at Jay@Livingstonservices.com or 978-446-9600
Competing with a Computer Screen
June 16, 2009
Marty sat talking to me with his eyes on his computer screen and regularly input burst of typing. I tried sitting at the other end of his desk so he would be forced to look away from the screen, but he just pushed his chair back and swung his head from the screen to me until I lost out and he was back to starring at the screen.
More and more jobs seem to necessitate people keeping an eye out for incoming emails or require the completion of a computer form as part of the appointment process. I first encountered this at a specialist’s office where the physician did a remarkably thorough job, but rarely looked up from his screen. Now I see my ADD clients struggle with it.
Some people think I’m entertaining and my wife even thinks I’m funny, but I couldn’t get Marty to take his eyes off his screen. I reminded him that he was not paying attention and he apologized but quickly drifted back. I finally asked him to turn off the monitor while we talked about what to do. He was very willing, but the interesting thing was he kept checking the blank screen every 15 to 30 seconds. That was better though because he would check in with me more often and his conversation was more responsive.
The computer is a huge time safer and it is a huge interruption and distraction. Those with ADD have to be particularly vigilant about letting it dominate their day. A few suggestions:
· Turn off the monitor when you’re having meetings or business conversations; it’s easy to fire it back up again.
· Close the email program or set it to not go looking for email but once an hour – you can always manually click the send/receive button.
· Turn off all signals that you have email and set a kitchen timer for one hour to remind you to check.
· Move away from your desk when you’re having a business conversation so that you’re not distracted by other non-technological things on your desk.
· Get a squeeze ball or some other fidget toy to play with while you talk.
Marty came up with an interesting solution on his own, he now takes notes with a pen while we talk; of course he spends a lot of time starring at his notebook. Funny but that doesn’t bother me nearly as much.
Jay Livingston can be contacted at Jay@LivingstonServices.com
Honey is the Answer
April 24, 2009
Some sayings are familiar and end up being supported by research findings. “It’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar,” is one example.
It would be surprising if you didn’t agree with the old saying, yet very few of us practice its advice in our daily lives. Well, researchers have proven once again that positive feedback is in fact more powerful than negative criticism at “catching” behavior change in a positive direction.
In one study, researchers videoed people bowling and then showed them the playback while pointing out either the mistakes they made or the things they did correctly; people improved much more with the positive feedback than with the negative.
Other studies have shown that parents of tough kids improve their parenting when their children’s positive actions are pointed out, and that people can be trained to change actions and behaviors with nothing but positive feedback.
There is a growing movement of consultants using “Appreciative Inquiry” to help businesses and organizations solve long-standing problems and develop new strategies. Those of us who have practiced these approaches with organizations and with individuals are struggling for a descriptive label to identify positive approaches. “Appreciative Coaching” is a possibility as is “Positive Coaching.”
There is another group of us who wants to be sure that “Strength Based Coaching” is properly placed with the other positive approaches. Recognizing and building on strengths is a pivotal aspect of many approaches.
The bottom line is to be selective, choose to work with someone who appreciates your strengths and will reflect the most positive aspects of you living your life well. Be certain your coach gives at least 3 to 1 positive to negative feedback and holds a vision of a brighter future that builds on your strengths.
Is this a Pollyanna approach? No, it just focuses on where you want to head, not where you tripped.
For more information call Jay Livingston at 978-446-9600, email me at Jay@LivingstonServices.com or visit my website at www.LivingstonServices.com
Knowing it’s Time to Change is a Great Start
March 13, 2009
Change is a process and by definition, a process is something that happens gradually. So, if you’re feeling like it’s time to change, celebrate the beginning of a process.
Creating change in yourself is a campaign that starts with recognizing a pull within yourself toward something new or away from something familiar. What hook will get you thinking about change? Your too-tight pants might bring the idea to your attention. Puffing your way up a flight of stairs is hard to completely ignore. Losing a large client interrupts the bliss. Feeling burned out suggests something is off. Having your spouse discouraged with you is a strong clue.
What we’re likely to miss are not these in-our-face examples, but the ones we turn away from without a thought; “You’re frustrating me! You don’t understand me! My client just doesn’t get it! Why is it so hard to explain simple ideas to people? Are these people stupid?” The situation is crying out for change, but we deflect the responsibility to someone else. We miss the full role we play in the miscommunication.
Noticing that we have the leverage to start the ball rolling is not a small accomplishment. Being aware of ourselves – insight – is not a commonly held skill. Coaching may ignite it; therapy can nurture it; pressure from a loved one occasionally forces it. But it isn’t easy to grab insight or to hold on to it.
So, if you feel it’s time for some change, celebrate. Even if you don’t know how you got there, pat yourself on the back and take a breath; you’ve taken a good step and you’re already beginning to change.
http://www.livingstonservices.com/
ADHD Client Self-Awareness and Confidence
February 9, 2009
I was struck by the pain a very successful entrepreneur shared with me. He grew up hearing that he was lazy and stupid because he couldn’t manage his time and stay ahead of his school work. Even after he was diagnosed with ADHD late in high school, his family couldn’t understand what he was struggling with and accused him of being undependable and dumb.
This bright, creative, kind man still carried many of the weaknesses that you might expect from someone with ADHD, but he does well with the occasional support of medication. He has made an impressive life for himself with huge successes in his personal and business life. He is the CEO of the midsized company he founded and has two great kids.
What hurts me is that he doesn’t know how good he is. He still feels like that kid his parents mistakenly thought he was. He has carried that false image forward through college graduation, a successful start-up business and the current, profitable company he has grown into a recognizable brand.
He came to me because inside he feels like a fraud. He wonders how others can keep from seeing the truth about him. This is one of the tragedies of ADHD, a person is functioning well, but hasn’t taken time out to correct and update their personal-awareness file. They are in an enviable position in their lives, but can’t enjoy the success.
My entrepreneurial client was stunned to hear from me that many around him were almost assuredly also feeling anxious about their competence, that early information so impresses itself on our brains that it’s difficult to shake up our primal self-image.
Understanding what was happening and having a chance to talk it out gave my client a great boost of self-confidence. He is surprised and pleased that there was this next level of confidence that he didn’t even know was available to him.
I asked him what kind of difference he thought this increased confidence would make in his life. He grinned and said that with everything he had going for him, he figured he could change the world if he wanted. He just might!
Sharing Expertise Isn’t Knowing It All
February 2, 2009
Jack, a young man in his early twenties, and I were talking, and taking more than our share of the guacamole dip, at a friend’s party. We were getting along well because he was dipping with the Fritos and I was using the multi-grain chips. He responded to my question about what he did for income by explaining that he was the day-manager of a men’s store.
He politely reciprocated the question and I explained that I was an ADHD/Executive coach and briefly described how, among other things, I tried to help people with difficulties around focus of attention and organizational issues find lasting solutions to problems that were standing in their way.
He brightened up and said, “I’d like to do that kind of work.” I asked him what about it appealed to him. He replied, “I am always able to tell my friends what to do when they’re stuck, and I think I would be good at it.”
He began to share with me some stories of his successful advice to friends; it was impressive in its scope and boldness. His raw certainty reminded me of more confident times in my life. I had a momentary sinking feeling as I realized, “Boy, are those days gone.”
The problem with his notion of his strength is that coaching isn’t about telling anyone what to do. Although, as I think about that, I do suppose I tell my self to stop talking and listen more. And I recently had to remind myself to cool it with the pearls of wisdom that sounded so interesting to me, but didn’t really address where my client was at.
The longer I practice, the more inclined I am to just ask questions.
“Where did your attention go at that moment?”
“Have you ever tried anything that worked?”
“Did you forget, or get distracted?”
“That was successful! What did you do differently to make it work?”
“How often does that happen?”
It’s my job to provide some scaffolding around my clients’ judgment, strategy, planning, etc. until they can get on their feet. Of course, there is a need for suggestions to consider when their stuck, but most of my effort is in trying to make the hidden visible and bring awareness to particular patterns, so that they can discover the methods that might work for them
I’m not sure what I’d tell them to do even if I had unusual perceptiveness. After all, until something is tried it isn’t clear what will work, and once it is tried, they’re often in a better position then I am to know what really works.
I told my young friend at the party something similar. I said, “I encourage you to explore a coaching career. I’m sure as you look it will become clear whether it is what you hope it might be. Let me know if I can help.”
Read more from Jay at: http://www.livingstonservices.com/
Living Successfully with ADHD is About Balance
December 29, 2008
As I get the opportunity to tackel another new year in my life I am convinced that healthy living, for those with and without ADHD, is about moderation and balance: eating, exercise, work and play all require an ability to moderate. But moderation doesn’t mean avoiding the peaks of exhilaration or ignoring our superior talents. At times, we simply need to strive to be the best we can be, and then we need to relax enjoy less than perfection.
There is a moderation or balance necessary as we choose whether to focus on using our strengths or developing our weaker attributes.
I once worked with a business owner who had developed a complex piece of medical equipment that was being used “experimentally” in dozens of hospitals. He hadn’t ever submitted the paperwork to the FDA for approval for its manufacture and use as an “approved” device. The owner was a brilliant technician who couldn’t manage his time, set priorities or direct his employees. When I came on board the FDA was on the verge of shutting the whole operation down for want of a detailed and ordered list of manufacturing steps. The owner just couldn’t produce the list; he didn’t think in that kind of sequential way.
Each of us has a constellation of personal attributes, on one end of the spectrum are strengths that lead to successful actions, and on the other end are weaknesses that restrain our success or cause us to regularly stumble. The common wisdom, and what many people challenged by ADHD have consistently heard, is that you need to develop the areas you’re weak in.
There’s truth in that encouragement (or reproach?), but there’s also a misunderstanding of how success seems to work. Getting to sustainable success takes a balanced approach; we need to focus on our strengths and find ways to work around certain core social/professional attributes that we are weak in, like my business owner not being able to set priorities.
We wouldn’t expect a football player to necessarily be a top level engineer or a commercial pilot to also be an exceptional lawyer. Professionals who excel focus on playing to their strengths. There are some skills, however, that are called upon day in and day out and even if we aren’t exceptional in those areas we need to be able to get by. The trick is to develop enough skill to predictably meet your obligations, but to keep a major focus on using your areas of strength to drive you toward success.
A position that requires you to make excellent estimates of time or to work in an unstructured environment, but meet precise goals, may well put unreasonable demands on your weaknesses, whereas a partner who loves keeping an eye on the details may allow you to shift focus to using your strengths.
We can’t always choose which attributes we will need, but we can try to be sure that the majority of demands on us play to our strengths and try to minimize the need for us to struggle with our weaknesses. To not keep that balance may well derail the possibility of success.
I hope your new year brings satisfying successes, insight and growth.
Committing to Change an Old Habit
November 24, 2008
A coaching client I was working with this week, who has an ADHD diagnosis, wanted to make a commitment to himself to increase his phone calls to prospective clients; sounds good, except he has tried this more than half a dozen times without successfully following up.
This time I encouraged him to not make the commitment. I felt he still didn’t have a realistic chance of fulfilling it, and if he had made the commitment and not followed through on it again, the value of all his commitments would just continue to erode.
In my coaching, I’m always looking for ways to help my clients bring a higher level of awareness and motivation to the task of changing their habits. A commitment is a classic and sometimes powerful method, but part of its potential power is in its ability to draw attention to a situation – to create a “different than life as usual” moment.
Making a commitment stand out – catch your attention – means it needs to be thought through carefully and it has to marshal your best efforts. Taking the time to make a deliberate decision before making a very specific commitment, even to yourself, raises the value of your commitments and the chances they will be effective.
My client and I spent the last half of our session identifying what strategies he could use to increase the odds that he would successfully follow through this time. He ended up making a commitment to do something he was sure he could accomplish, create the tracking sheet he would use when he was ready to move forward on the phone calls. If he is successful at completing the new form, his subsequent commitments may be even more powerful motivators.
Don’t over commit!
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