Holiday Wishes
December 28, 2008
I was reflecting on cards sent by our clients during this holiday season. Thank you all, I am touched. It is truly a priviledge to work in the field of psychiatry. I get to know clients and their families intimately and continue to learn as much from them as I hope they learn from me. So rather than blogging about “Organizing the Holidays with ADHD” or “Focus on Protein” after you’ve had your fill of sugar cookies, I decided to keep this more simple and personal. My message to you is that I hope you find acceptance in yourself and others this holiday season. Acceptance is a generous gift and a rare find. I wish for you the joy of acceptance of who you are, your unique qualities as well as your challenges. I wish for you the ability to recognize the same in those around you - your family, your friends, your colleagues, and those you meet in passing every day. Life is stressful. Sometimes we try too hard to meet all the requirements. We miss the point. So as we near the closing of 2008 and organize the gifts that came in boxes and wrapping paper, remember that the greatest gifts were not the tangible ones, but those you feel in your heart. Wishing you acceptance, integrity, understanding, warmth and kindness in 2009.
Theresa Cerulli, M.D.
A Heavy Burden To Bear
December 9, 2008
I am a huge fan of the television show Heroes on NBC. Yes, I do love a good story about heroes. I won’t deny that. But what I love even more about a show like this, and this show in particular, is that the characters are human. They are ordinary people – with extraordinary talents – who are out to save the world.
Not only that, but they struggle with real world issues that most of us can identify with.
And perhaps that’s the real reason I love this show. Each episode is full of lessons and inspiration if you are watching closely enough. Heck–you don’t even have to be watching that closely. They just flow naturally – and talk to you about all the good in the world (even in the face of evil).
The most recent episode was particularly striking for me, because one of the Heroes traveled back in time to when he was just a young boy — probably 8 or 10 years old at most. In this one scene, he listened to his father say to his mother, “Hiro will never amount to anything in this world.”
The irony of the scene is that Hiro has saved the world from disaster, not once, but twice…
My lesson from all of this, and it’s something I see a lot in the work I do… Having such high expectations for our children is very dangerous. After all, they are still so young and impressionable. Even for the child who is struggling — there is hope.
Each of our children will someday reach the heights we hope for, and that they want, but they are going to have to struggle and fall before they hit it big.
PS – For more information on how you can support a child who is struggling with their differences, I invite you download your very own ADHD Essentials Audio Kit.
ADHD or Shpilkes
December 1, 2008
I have always enjoyed working with clients with energy and creativity. Growing up in a family with a variety of personalities spiced with the strengths and weaknesses of ADHD was a wonderful introduction into this work. I was reminded of this recently when my sister called to tell me about the “perfect” site she’d found for the wedding of my niece.
“It sits right near the beach with a wonderful view of the water. It’s the perfect size for the number of guests we’re inviting and if anyone gets bored they can go for a walk on the beach,” she seriously explained over the phone. I cracked up!
Who but a person with the wiggles and attention span of ADHD would choose a site for a wedding based on a way to relieve boredom? I love my sister dearly, but she has shpilkes. I was reminded of how appropriate this delightful Yiddish word is when I was reading Jerome Groopman’s book, How Doctors Think. He describes himself thus:
“Truth be told, I was not a model child, too eager to engage in mischief, paying little attention in class, looking at the clock and counting the minutes until recess. A psychologist today might fix the label of ADHD to me, but at the time my family concluded that mine was a classic case of shpilkes, a Yiddish word meaning, roughly, ‘ants in your pants.’”
My parents, who both spoke Yiddish, used a similar, but perhaps more interesting expression, “full tuchas mit vertschaft”, meaning, I was told, “a behind full of furniture.” Ah, that the light hearted amusement of these words could help reduce the negative self-judgments of ADHD.
ADHD and Your Self Esteem
October 27, 2008
Many of my clients are successful public speakers, entrepreneurs, and CEO’s, and yet many have the feeling that at any moment they will be “found out”.
My work with adults with ADD and ADHD includes looking at and trying to correct old messages implanted by unaware parents and teachers – you know, the “You’re lazy”, “You’re unmotivated and will never amount to anything”, “How stupid can one person be?” messages.
Sam, a very active, extremely bright and super busy CEO I work with, owns his own company, and even with the current economic mess, has a net worth in the double digit millions—all self-made. He also owns a self-concept badly in need of repair. As a boy and adolescent he was told he would never succeed, that he was stupid, couldn’t learn, was undisciplined and wouldn’t even make it to his own funeral. On some bad days, he feels just like that boy/adolescent again as those old messages come swimming back into his head.
Sam got sick of beating himself up based on other peoples’ messages and finally made time to slow down and try to understand himself better. (I know, slow down sounds dreadful, but don’t worry, I have plenty of things to fiddle with in my office and I’m not opposed to taking a walk if needed). Sam and I are working to update his self-esteem file to have a more realistic picture of himself. In just three meetings, Sam has begun to recognize times he’s putting himself down and can sometimes stop, get current and remind himself of the countless strengths and talents he has.
Don’t hesitate to contact a therapist or coach if you are an adult who suspects you have attention deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity. Your peace of mind is worth it.
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